The Regrets Of Grief…

Posted on October 19, 2021

No regrets.

It’s something I’ve said often to myself. I’ve always tried to live with no regrets.  Honestly, for the most part, I truly don’t.  I know that if X had not happened, most likely, Y wouldn’t have either. 

Yet, somehow as looming dates move in closer, I find myself navigating through grief (again)! It feels like a never ending story. 

What has come up this time around is what I consider regret.  The regret in two conversations – the one I had and the one I never had.

I feel haunted by the conversation I did have and feel guilty that it even happened.  My ego stood in the way of a particular conversation.  I know I need to work on forgiving myself for this.  Perhaps the guilt sits easier than the forgiveness does, perhaps I’m using the guilt as punishment or the most likely answer is both.  I guess this is one more thing to work through with my counselor (she says with a chuckle & a bit of a head shake)!

Then there’s the conversation I wish I had done. I’m sure it was avoidance and denial leading me down that road.  This one is a bit harder to reconcile – though in time, I know I will.   

How does one work through this and get to the other side?  I’m not sure however, when I do, I’ll let you know. I sense letter writing and burning coming my way!  I know this feeling serves no one.  I can’t change what did or didn’t happen.  I can only be gentle on myself.  I’ll work on that forgiveness.  Maybe it will lessen the hurt or ache I often feel.  Maybe, just maybe, I’ll be able to look back and say, “No regrets” once again.

So, until next time, may you be filled with love and kindness.  May you be able to confidently live with no regrets.  And, as always, may you discover your 2.0.