How You Doin’?

Posted on February 16, 2024

Who remembers Joey in Friends telling Phoebe and Rachel about his pick up line, “How you doin’?” His saultery or puppy dog eyes would make Phoebe giggle – worked every time!

A few days ago, I was listening to the radio on my way to work.  The DJs were talking about a recent news story.  I don’t remember all the details except one – the story touched upon how we respond when asked, “How are you?”  The DJs went on to put it out to the listeners by saying, “We want to know how you are and don’t give us the standard answer of ‘I’m fine.’ We want to know how you REALLY are.”  I found it interesting to hear so many deflect rather than answer the simple question. I know it’s often easier to deflect than to be honest.

So, this got me to thinking.  When someone asks me how I am, I usually do reply with, “I’m fine.” To those who truly know me, call me out and ask me to try answering that again!

When I was fifteen and going to church with my mum, I remember one of the church members asked us how we were doing.  My teenage attitude asked him, “Do you really care or are you just asking us because it’s the polite thing to do on a Sunday at church?”  After a few moments of silence, he looked at me and replied, “Only you would keep me on my toes Kristina!”  My mother, extremely mortified that her teenage daughter would even dare ask such a thing had much more to say about that encounter on the drive home – I’m sure that drive felt like an eternity lol!

“When you ask someone how they are doing, do you really mean it? When you answer someone back how you are doing, are you really telling the truth?” — Brady Quinn

Back to today, it’s so easy to give the default answer of ‘I’m fine’ even when we’re anything but fine. To be honest, I’m not always upfront with the truth either.  I’ve often felt that if I were to respond with how I really feel it would feel like a burden to the person asking. Although, to a true friend, one is never a burden.

The world is heavy some days and we’re not always fine.  So why have we become programmed to respond in that way?  Is it easier for us to default to fine? Are we scared that we might make the person asking uncomfortable? When did it become better to hold back when we’re asked the simple question, “How are you?’ It’s not easy. Sometimes we like to hold our feelings/emotions close. Maybe we’re not comfortable telling the truth about how we’re feeling that day. Maybe we just can’t do more than an “I’m fine.”

To all those reading this and to my dear, dear friends, I’m here to let you know that when I ask, “How are you?”  I really mean it.  I truly WANT to know.  AND, it’s totally ok with me if the answer starts with, “I’m not fine.”

Until next time…may you find the strength to be more than just “I’m fine.”